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Read e-book Foster Parenting: A Personal Journey Through a Nightmarish System

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The Legal Lifeline for Youth program will represent youths ages 14 and up in the 12th Judicial Circuit. You just want two things: a stable home and your independence. But after aging out of the system, you discover your own mom has stolen your Social Security number and ruined your credit. In the foster care system, the only party not entitled to an attorney is the child. We suffered with infertility but not to the point of years and years of trying like I know some couples do.

A disappointing foster care update. [CC]

We always had fostering as an option since we are a same sex couple and the logistics of biological children is expensive and time consuming. But we ultimately decided that adoption was the best path for us. Our first placement ages 7 weeks and 2 years when we got them will be going back to the biological mom and I am so happy for her. We were all about reunification as long as she was actually putting forth the effort.

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We love the girls so much, especially since they are the ones that made us parents for the first time, but we are so happy that they get to go back and have a happy and healthy mom again. They offer so much support, not just for the foster children, but for biological children of the foster parents as well. They offer support groups, monthly trainings, and helped us find therapists, not only for the kiddos but for us as a family as well.

Our caseworker actually just came back from another city where she was representing us for a legally free sibling group, and we were picked! So now our first placement is returning home and a new group is coming in, the only difference, we get to keep them forever! How do you advise I begin my search for an agency?

What should I look for in an agency?

11 Replies to “Do You Get Paid to be a Foster Parent?”

Can I look in other states? Any info is much appreciated. I know you asked Jessica. But Creating a Family has a wonderful variety of resources to help you find an agency and answer a lot of your questions.

When Families Un-Adopt a Child

To start, here is our downloadable e-guide: You are misunderstanding the question The person wanting to adopt from foster care isnt talking about birth parent contact. They are talking about adopting a child from the foster care system who is currently living with a foster only parent, a foster parent who is fostering while an adoptive placement is found. Mike, we are not a placing agency nor are we a clinic that deals with surrogacy. There are many considerations and issues that a reproductive attorney might be better suited to answer.

For more information on surrogacy and the issues related to considering such a method to build your family, please check out this resource: Child protective services is a corrupt system who steals children from their biological families. There I am sure those counties and states that have a good handle on it but all you have to do is look on facebook and you will see the overwhelming stories of biological grandmothers and aunts trying to get their family back and are put into forced adoptions to strangers. Some with biological siblings who are also split up.

Adoption through CPS should only be done through extreme circumstances drug issues and psychological issues are not a reason to steal someones child. If you want to get into foster care do it for the families to be reunified not to obtain a child. I know this from experience and have seen the corruption first hand. What government system has ever been honest? You are right that the goal of CPS should be to help birth families heal.

I believe that this is the focus for most case workers and that they attempt to do a good job of training foster parents to understand this goal. However, you are right that sometime this does not happen and that is a tragedy. We tried for 15 years to have our own child. I miscarried 4 times. I see the lovely point you are trying to make. I never got my miracle. I am so sorry for the losses and struggle that you have endured. I hear your hurt and disappointment in your words. You can find us here: At various times, I have agreed with both sides of the case made in this article.

A year in the life of a foster parent

As a caseworker in a foster to adopt program for almost 15 years, I have noticed that couples struggling with infertility are at different places in their own grief and loss experience when they begin researching foster care adoption. This makes a difference in their ability and willingness to deal with the uncertainty of adopting from foster care. Those families feel more desperate about meeting expectations they desire for their family.

Some are trying to meet their family needs, while others have decided to focus on the needs of children in society. Can a family with the first mindset have a successful foster adoption? But in my experience it generally takes longer and is more of a challenging and emotional process. And those families are more likely to get discouraged quicker. Can a family with the first mindset change their motivation for a more satisfying experience? But it takes extra understanding, encouragement, and training by the agency. All families and children in the foster to adopt process will experience grief at some point for some reason.

One of my foster mothers was surprised at how much she grieved for the birth mother when rights were terminated, even though it meant she could adopt. However, that love makes a world of difference for a child, which makes it worth it in my opinion. Andrea, Thanks for sharing your observations and experiences.

You make some great points, particularly regarding honest self-assessment and understanding of expectations and abilities. Every family has unique intents, abilities and limits and figuring out how to let go of preconceived expectations, notions and dreams is excellent advice. Thank you, again for weighing in! I am a mother 1st i never had a drug problem i never beat my kids my children was all tooken from me due to a domestic violence altercation i got away.

Sad thing is i was working on my case plan to get my daughter. My son and other daughter was placed with family my middle i have been fighting for 2 years!!!! I never gave up.. I lost due too time!!!!!! I had done nothing wrong i had my extensions and was doing what i was supposed to. I work i have a car a place. They took my child!!!! My life i created my baby!! Now she is to be adopted they was plotting the whole time they already let my daughter meet with adoptive parents during my case!!!

I was set up for failure!!! My baby is going to people i dont know i have to cherish the time i have then write a good bye letter sayen its ok to love another family!!! That im ok with it and clearly im not!!! It wasnt fair now i have to wait for a 30 min farewell visit with My child! I feel like i am planning a funeral for my baby!!!!

For a time issue in my case in ohio!! My rights was terminated!!! I lost but a junkie can have her child back people who beat their kids can have their children back but me working mom who made a mistake on a bad relationship that is over and been over since this all started loses her child!!!! Its kidnapping at its finest. Its not fair i never stood a chance! I just want you all to know adoption is bs unless its a willing mother im not FKN willing sum of us mothers who was fkd over in the justice system was not willing its kidnapping not creating a family!! For all of your sakes.

Sorry you are going through this due to the corruption in the CPS system. We are going through something similar in Wisconsin although the mother does have drug and psychological issues no child should be taken from their biological family drugs or no drugs. There was a biological aunt willing to keep the baby but a case worker manipulated her to have the infant put with a foster family.


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There are many groups on facebook one is called family forward project. Please look it up and tell your story. There is a ton of stores like yours and these stories need to be told. Noone should have to go through this. If you believe that the child has been wrongly placed, you might want to consider hiring an attorney that specializes in adoption to represent you.

If money is a concern and it usually is some attorneys will work pro bono or at a reduced rate. I hope, in spite of the issues you feel are going on, that the baby is experiencing safety and love and good care. We have adopted one and are on number 2. Got the first when she was 11 and a few months before we finalized we matched with a 15 year old who we are just waiting out the six months until finalization. Look for 8 and up, and there are plenty of kids out there.

People write them off as damaged goods but I disagree. Folks interested in and capable of handling older child adoption are definitely needed in our foster system. For great information on what to think about regarding adoption of older children, check out our resource page: Nope, it is very easy to adopt from foster care — unless you are determined to get a perfectly healthy white baby. My daughters were 10, 9 year old twins and 11 when placed with us.

Each adoption was finalized months after placement with no issues. Our girls have no issues aside one needing glasses, all are top of their classes and healthy as can be. Plus it was wonderful never to do the baby thing: Neither my husband nor I are stay at home parents. And my husband is military so a lot of the time it is just me.

Have two kids that are not related, no issues. This makes me happy. We are a military family looking to adopt from foster kiddos. You give me hope. Any suggestions are appreciated. This Resource Page, from our A-Z Resources for Adoption, is a good starting point for you to learn and dig up information particular to your situation https: Hi my babys were placed in foster care and are now going to be freed for adoption my son is 5 my daughter is 3 and my youngest is about to be 2 in January i want them to remain together i know 3 kids is a lot but i want them to go to some one good and loving.

However, we are not a placing agency and do not participate in placement arrangements within or outside of the system. We wish you the best and hope your kids are able to stay together and stay in touch with you as well. I helped pick the family that adopted three of my grands through foster care. In my opinion, they did steal my grandkids. Hope the parents are prepared for the consequences. You gotta be kidding! Your kid obviously wasnt able to take care of their children, and a loving couple were willing to step in and give these kids a better life, and then you get mad because the adoptive parents dont want their impressionable children around, most likely, drug addicts?

No one stole those kids. Someone didnt want them and dumped them in the system as inconveniences, and now they have a family who loves them. You are plotting to turn these kids against their adoptive parents as soon as you get the chance. Do you think it might be possible that they were aware of deviousness and decided that it was best to just cut ties all together. My sister, for example, placed her newborn for adoption to a family that indicated they wanted an open adoption.

They have kept their promise and are very open to our family. We are not drug addicted, and neither is my sister. We are just people. Of course Kelly is hurt that the family they chose has backed away from their promise — she loves her grandkids. Second, this grandmother sounds vindictive. Does telling the children what the adoptive family did help?? It saddens my heart hear that a bitter grandparent is plotting to turn children from the only love they have ever known. I hate that the parents and Kelly were not able to reunify with the children.

As it is proven that if possible it is beneficial for children to be with blood relatives. I will be praying that God changes her heart before the kids get older and before she can place resentment in a healthy little mind. When they come back to you as adults how will you answer that? If the family cares enough they will take they baby. He came to us malnourished, had never had a haircut, had never been taught how to do any basic grooming, had never been on a bicycle.

He was 6 when we started fostering him. How do you even explain away these areas of neglect? No one in his immediate and extended family cared to step in and help his bio-parents in retaining him. He is an amazing, caring, and intelligent child and did not deserve such a crappy start in life. Foster parents sacrifice a lot, and go above and beyond in most cases for their foster kids, children that are not even their own blood. How dare you, gramma! Hello all, I understand where a lot of you are coming from.

I would say anyone who decided to foster care do it because you want to give a child a safe loving home until they are reunited with their families. I am currently fostering my partners two nephews and have grown to love them. Their case has been a rollercoaster and they have been in and out of foster care for two years. Their parents were told 6 months ago, they were to have no contact with their kids. The judge was so upset with their case she did not want to even talk about when they would be able to have contact.

These current courts date the judge saw the mother is doing well and trying to get herself together. Therefore, she finally granted visitation rights with the intent to send them home next court date which is in three months. When you sign up for foster care and attended classes they teach you the goal is always to reunification the children back with their families. Please know that DHS and foster care will tell you anything so you will take in children.

They will promise you the world and they will not be there when the going get rough. Be prepared that they may be emotionally broken and act out for multiple reasons. Could you imagine being ripped from your family good or bad because no matter what they are your parents forever?

Also, as I read earlier we are supporting other people children, yes, of course, you will get paid very little to provide for them. Our nephews came with a small bag of clothes and when I say a small bag of clothes I mean just that. They needed everything and for the first 3 months, we were not paid a penny to provide for them. Nevertheless, we were promised money for clothes but however at the last minute, we were told they already had their limit of clothes money. We were told we could get help with food. You know what they gave us a onetime fee of dollars to a store we had to drive 30 mins to.

We were told they help us with beds until and again we were told at the last minute that someone was already given beds for them, so we could not receive any for them. We were told by DHS that foster care would pay for daycare that was also a lie and to get daycare money you must go through another company. We were told they bring gifts on holidays and give baskets of food on holidays.

SO please know maybe some case workers are better than others and will help you but do not expected it. I am not saying, fostering children, is a bad thing but please be aware of what you are signing up for. IF you are not mentally, physical, and financially ready for children then fostering children might not be best for you. If you are not in it to just give a child or children a home who are waiting to return to their family a place to stay, then fostering children might not be right for you. We have been through so much in the last 6 months that it breaks my heart to know we have done so much for this child and are finally getting them on a track that they are going to leave us very soon.

Yes, they miss their family and yes, I want them to go home but I feel I have stressed so much for nothing. I have worried myself sick about them to know they are being torn away from me but in the end, I knew they are not my children. I do not want to discourage anyone from foster, but instead, I hope to prepare someone for what fostering children entail.

It does not just bring a child into your home and giving them love. It is a full-time job because most of these children have been through so much and will require a lot of your attention. Yes, all children need attention, but remember this child have been through stuff from abuse, losing their mother and father, being moved from home to home with different rules time and time again.

They feel they just got comfortable to be moved again. It should also be noted that Oregon needs more foster parents. Right now, becoming a foster parent is both a huge time and financial investment, and this can be a deterrent to many thinking of becoming a foster parent. Providing additional support, such as child-care reimbursement, and monthly or annual clothes allowances may reduce the financial burden enough to allow more people, especially working couples and individuals to open their homes to foster kids.

It seems like reducing the amount of money spent on hotel rooms and overtime for DHS workers to stay with children over the weekend, and increasing the funds available to foster parents for day-care may be a more sustainable and appropriate approach. Money, personal finances, and parenting are all very personal topics. This post is not advocating for a more substantial reimbursement. We did not become foster parents because we knew there was a reimbursement rate.

We could be foster parents without any reimbursement. We are very lucky to have an amazing support system to help carry the load of parenting, something that not everyone, especially the bio-parents of the kiddos we care for, are lucky enough to have. This post is to answer the questions that we get asked a lot, and that even more people want to ask but are afraid to.

This post is to shed light on what reimbursement looks like, and what providing for a foster child looks like. Being a foster parent is not a decision that should be taken lightly, and seeing a monthly reimbursement rate should not influence your decision.

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A year in the life of a foster parent | Society | The Guardian

If you cannot afford to raise a child without the reimbursement rate, we can guarantee you will not be able to raise a child with the reimbursement rate, because it is pennies on the dollar of what you should be spending to raise a child. If anybody is getting rich off of being a foster parent, they are doing it wrong. Monetarily, we lose every month, but seeing these kiddos feel safe, loved, confident and happy is priceless.

I continue to be struck by your motives for doing this…. Thank you for this well thought-out and informative post. I have some friends who just became foster parents…last week actually. So it has been on my mind a little more than usual. Thank you for your service to these kids and to our community! You give love, compassion, empathy, concern. Those are priceless to a foster child, who has known little or none of these. Wow, yes you are correct. Every day we are frustrated and imperfect.

Every day these kids remind us that we are doing our best. They feel safe and they feel loved. Thank you for your support. We only take infants, I often cloth diaper, and we buy generic formula. Family and friends are always happy to baby sit for a night out. People are also very willing to give your their baby stuff when they no longer need it.


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I care for these babies the same as I do for my own son, we just parent frugally. Most clothes are second hand since they grow out of them in 5 minutes, although we have been known to buy a few brand new outfits got each baby. I think how much money you spend probably has a lot to do with your parenting style and life style, not your motives for foster care. Thanks for reading, Rachel, and for leaving a thoughtful comment.

I agree, everyone has a different journey and a different situation, and the system is set up differently in every state too. We wanted to dispel that fallacy. People are not getting rich off of the system, in fact for many, it is an endeavor that does not make economical sense, but one that makes sense for them on a personal level. It sounds like you have a good set-up going that allows you to continue to foster and care for these children and that is a great thing! Childcare is another big expense for some families as well.

Skip to content. If you take more of a pessimistic or realistic look at the time it requires to be a parent foster or otherwise , and view parenting as something that occurs hrs a day, the reimbursement rate looks a little bit worse…. Nobody makes you become a foster parent, it is a choice you make, and it is not a choice that is driven by the prospect of making money Like I said, we are conflicted. Placement Expenses It has been our experience that the cost of raising a child goes down, and normalizes, the longer you are caring for them. Daycare When having conversations about foster care and reimbursement, what seems to surprise people the most is that we do not get a stipend or reimbursement for childcare.

Day to Day Kids are expensive! Kids ages 6 and up eat more than full grown adults This is all in jest. Taxes The only thing certain in life is death and taxes. Conflicted Conclusion Why did we write this post? Thanks for reading, if you have questions or comments, feel free to post them in the comment section below, we would love to hear from you. Like this: Like Loading Thanks for reading and I am glad it provided you with valuable information and perspective.